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Saturday, June 24th, 2017
12:16 am - If anyone is still out there, you can find me here:

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Tuesday, July 12th, 2016
9:04 pm - Ghost Town
I thought I had deleted this thing, but discovered that I hadn't. I think only two of my LJ Friends are still using it. Sadly, I only knew most of my FJ friends by their user name, so finding them on Facebook, etc., isn't an option. If you read this and you want to get in touch, my name is Brian McWilliams.

I have a lot of good memories about those of you who I interacted with here, and I would like to know how you have been and how you are doing. Please look me up.

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Sunday, July 29th, 2007
4:00 am - Semi-Annual Update
Howdy constant readers! I know! I know! I'm a wanker! I don't update nearly enough to quell your insatiable curiousity about my daily life and overall well-being.

I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

I've settled into a rather static state of domestic bliss and work-related tedium. I'm still doing security at the university (babysitting), although the summer hiatus leads to long stretches of boredom punctuated with brief periods of annoyance, followed by yet more boredom. As a shift sergeant, it is my responsibility to coordinate my officers to better cope with their individual ennui. I find that throwing things at them helps. In January, I'll have my ten years of service in and am seriously considering looking for greener pastures. I'm looking into professional bodyguard training. So, if anyone on my friends list is, or will soon be, a celebrity and is need of professional protective service, please consider me.

On the domestic front . . . things are well. My wife still seems to like me and we've settled into our domestic blissfulness. The cats say hi.

Anyway, how are you?

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Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
2:11 am - Waxing Poetic
Ode to a Candle

I bathe my face in your soft, warm light.
The shadows all a-ripple
I use your flame to light my smokes
And drip hot wax on my nipples

Ode to a Candle II

Rippling flame, melting wax
Dancing shadows on the walls
Mellow light illuminates my bath
As I shave my hairy balls

Thank you! Thank you very much!

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Thursday, September 14th, 2006
1:28 am - The Life of Brian
I'm fine. How are you? Things are well here.

Cris and I bought a house and are in the (slow, painful) process of moving in. We closed on the 29th. Cris and our moms (and her aunt and cousins) removed the old wallpaper and painted (I did yard work and assumed the role of my alter ego Flabio the Pool Boy to clean the algae out of the pool). We moved the small stuff last weekend and, hopefully, will be moving everything else this weekend. It's a great place: it's in a quiet sub-division in Newburgh (my hometown), it's got 3 bedrooms, a 2-car garage, vaulted ceiling in the living room, big kitchen, and a giant honking deck abutting the 24' above-ground pool (which, I should point out, it is now too frickin' cold to use and has an algae infestation I've been trying to get rid of).

Work is going well, I suppose. I'm the 2nd shift (3p - 11p) Sergeant now. Fall classes started at the beginning of the month and we have more than our usual share of shitbag criminals masquerading as college students. I wear my kevlar daily now. The first week of school I busted a couple of would-be pot dealers. Two 18 year-old Bill & Ted clones who brought a quarter pound of pot to campus to sell, but were stupid enough to toke-up in the apartment with their straight-laced roommate, who immediately called Security. Bill & Ted got to experience the ambience of the local jail before getting kicked out of school. Sad, really. I'm not anti-marijuana, mind you. I AM anti-stupidity, though, so I got my satisfaction that way. I've been spending the last few weeks working a lot of overtime dealing with stupidity of varying sorts, but nothing really serious yet. Ah well, that's what I get paid the big bucks for (insert sarcasm here).

Unfortunately, now that I'm on 2nd shift, Cris and I don't get to spend much time together. She gets home after I leave and I get home after she's asleep. When we have seen each other, one or the other (or both) has been stressed out. Moving sucks. I hate it. Hopefully after we're settled into the new place, things will calm down a bit. Luckily, she can't divorce me now that we have a mortgage. Yay for crushing debt! There's also the fact that, after spending roughly 13 of the last 14 years working night shift, I simply can't sleep at night when I get home.

I haven't been very good about keeping up with LJ lately. I just haven't had the time or energy. I love you all - not in some sick emotional way, it's purely physical - so I'll try to be better.

Anyway, there's your update. Enjoy!

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1:26 am - Because you, my public, demanded it!
Play 20 questions!

1.Your Middle Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite Movie:

5. Favorite Song:

6. Favorite Band/Artist:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?

2. Whats your philosophy on life?

3. Would you have my back in a fight?

4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

5. What is your favorite memory of

6. Would you give me a kidney?

7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:

8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

9. Can we get together and make a cake?

10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?

11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

12. Do you think I'm a good person?

13. Would you drive across country with me?

14. Do you think I'm attractive?

15. If you could change anything about me, would you?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

18. Would you go on a date with me if i asked you?

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

20. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?

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Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
4:06 am
Sorry if my last post (which is now "private") was a bit cryptic. Nothing is wrong here. I just read something while I was in a pissy mood and let it get to me. I like to think I have moved on and that the past is just "ancient history", and I've been able to keep a pretty good mindset the past couple of years, but occasionally the old feelings sneak out of the closet and express themselves when I'm particularly tired or stressed. So, I apologize to you, dear readers, and also to the involved party, whether or not she happened to have read it. It was childish and mean-spirited and I strive not to be either.

In other news . . . things are good here. I (finally) got the promotion to sergeant. Eight and a half years to get to a level that is actually less responsibility than I had at my last job, although considerably more than I've had for the last eight and a half years. The "bad" news is that I'm working 2nd shift now. While it is good to finally be off night shift after eight years, I don't get to see Cris much. I'm going to have to start making more time on my days off to take her out. I'm afraid I've been a bit of a stick-in-the-mud lately and we haven't gone out much. Between her family and mine, our weekends seem to be spent with one side or the other. Plus, between work-related stress, house-hunting-related stress, and miscellaneous family crises, I was hovering on the edge of depression. That hasn't happened in a couple of years. Worry not, though, I'm getting over it.

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Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
8:41 pm - Wedding Photos Online!

search for: brianchristen5606

password: kiss


The first picture on page 7 is especially good, imho. ;)

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Friday, April 21st, 2006
12:08 am - For Tom . . .
Loo: And who are they?
Dr. Klahn: Refuse, found in waterfront bars.
Loo: Shanghaied?
Dr. Klahn: Just lost drunken men who don't know where they are and no longer care.
Prisoner #1: Where are we?
Prisoner #2: I don't care!
Loo: And these?
Dr. Klahn: These are lost drunken men who don't know where they are, but do care! And these are men who know where they are and care, but don't drink.
Prisoner #3: I don't know who I am?
Prisoner #4: And I don't drink!
Dr. Klahn: Guards! (move prisoners) Do you care?
Prisoner #5: No.
Dr. Klahn: Put this man in cell #1, and give him a drink.
Guard: What do you drink?
Prisoner #5: I don't care.

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Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
1:55 am - Behind Every Good Man . . .
Free Image Hosting at

Hey look! There's one behind me too!

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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
11:58 am - Geez, has it really been five months?!?

Howdy folks! Miss me? I check my friends page daily, and comment occassionally when my special brand of wholesome wisdom and impeccable logic are called for, *coughbullshitcough*, but I fail to consider the fact that you're all just dying to know what's up in the wonderful World of Brian.

Well . . . not much. Things are going well. Cris and I have been living together since June and she hasn't killed me or dumped me (yet) and the marriage plans are proceeding apace. Five months (May 6th, for those who keep track of such things). Of course, if I stick to my current pace of LJ updates, I'll be a married man next time I update. I'll try to be better, however.

The tornado missed us. We live on the north side of Eville and were out of harm's way. It only missed my parents by a few hundred yards, however, so I got a bit of a scare there. My other family members in Newburgh escaped major damage as well. I drove through the affected area a few times and . . . my God! Words can't describe. I've never seen anything like it and hope I never do again. Rows of houses in the neighborhoods where I used to play as a kid are gone. I drive by the trailer park that suffered the most fatalities every time I visit my parents. When I saw it after, it was if someone had taken a broom and swept half the homes away. Seeing the toys littering the ground was the saddest part. I shudder to think how close it came to my parents' house.

Work . . . is. Kids today! Bastards. This weekend I dealt with a drunk who claimed to have "Split Personality Disorder." I was attempting to get him a ride home, because I was having a busy night and didn't want to deal with him, but he managed to talk himself into jail. I found his claim of "Split Personality Disorder" humorous. I even tried to help in by suggesting what he meant to say was "Multiple Personality Disassociative Disorder", but he insisted his psychiatrist told him it was "Split Personality Disorder." His other personality, who he claiimed was sober and could pass a breathalyzer, had a charming (if bad) Cockney accent. Unfortunately, he forgot to maintain the Cockney while telling the deputies he was this other person and, since they had already dealt with him earlier in the night on a domestic dispute with his girlfriend, they arrested him for public intoxication and minor consumption. His mother called to speak to me afterwards and said, "He does that when he's been drinking." Then his girlfriend called to get the details. I directed both to the Sheriff's Department for details. I wanted to ask the girlfriend if having sex with him would be considered a "three-way", but I thought better of it.

Last night I dealt with a kid (a non-student visitor) who claimed he had Diplomatic Immunity due to his father being a Kenyan dignitary. He had me going, too. I even called my boss at 4 a.m. and woke him to make sure I was correct in enforcing university policy on the guy. Later, when the deputies came, he didn't mention his Diplomatic Immunity status to them as he was being given a ticket for minor consumption and a court date. I was curious why that was and asked him. His reply: "They didn't ask." I pointed out that I hadn't asked either, but he threatened me with Federal prison for asking for his identification. Turns out he was lying. He was good; I don't get fooled much these days (by males at least). On the bright side, my boss wasn't mad. He found it humorous too. So humorous that he's going to repay the favor by calling a buddy of his in the FBI and have the kid investigated. Now that's funny!

All in all, life is good. On the LJ front, only one person has dropped me in my hiatus. Two others have deleted their accounts, though. That bothers me because I don't have search capabilities on here anymore and can't find out if they just started new accounts. I'm not being nosy, I just worry about people who disappear like that. There are several of you still on my friends list that I worry about too. I can only say that I read your posts and if I don't always (or ever) comment, it's because I worry that any advice I might offer would just seem like platitudes. The only advice I can really give if from a candle on a shelf over my toilet that I read when I pee: [to paraphrase] Bad things don't happen to you. Bad things just happen. It is the way you deal with adversity that defines you. It all comes down to one word: Grace.

That and another piece of self-help jargon: You have to start treating and thinking of yourself a friend and have the same capacity to forgive yourself for your flaws and mistakes as you would for a loved one or friend who made the same mistakes or had the same flaws.

Worked for me.

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Wednesday, July 20th, 2005
5:09 pm
RIP, James Doohan

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Wednesday, July 13th, 2005
2:24 am
Howdy folks!

I realize I've been neglecting my LJ but, since I gave up my navel-gazing ways, I don't feel the constant need to inflict angst-ridden, self-involved entries upon the masses. Haven't been writing much bad poetry lately, either, alas!

Anyway . . . things are well. Christen and I found a great apartment and moved in together at the end of May. That is going well. Which is to say she still wants to marry me. I've been trying to remember to put the toilet seat down. She has two cats and they have adjusted well to the new place and to me (and I to them). All of the initial wedding plans have been made. We have a date (May 6th), a place for the ceremony and reception, and someone to marry us. She bought her dress a few weeks ago and it's gorgeous. Yesterday, we picked out wedding bands and put them on layaway. Hopefully, I'll be able to lose some weight and get my pudgy little fingers to shrink a bit before the big day.

Work is the same. Still baby-sitting college kids. Although, since the probability is high that we'll be having one or two of our own in a few years (after I get that certain procedure reversed, that is), I'll probably be looking for something better soon. So, if any of you need a personal bodyguard or fawning Yes Man, and can support me in a manner to which I'm accustomed, let me know!

I haven't been getting out much lately, other than family get together (hers or mine). We occasionally hit the Karaoke places, but mainly I've been staying in playing video games (GTA:San Andreas, X-2:The Threat, and Face of Mankind [open beta] most recently). Which is fine with me, since I'm a homebody anyway.

I'm still around LJ and read my friends' journals daily. I try to throw the occasional comment in, although I should be better about that. So keep those cards and letters coming (so to speak).

Nude picture posts are also welcome.

Thank you, you may go.

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Sunday, April 24th, 2005
10:11 pm
Hello everybody! Sorry I haven't been active lately. I've been trying to keep up on my LJ reading, but I don't do a lot of naval gazing these days, so haven't felt the need for any updates. The family is fine, the job is fine, I'm healthy and happy.

I guess the only thing that hasn't gone as I expected is my relationship with Christen. When you meet someone, all you can really hope for is that you can form some sort of connection and find enough common ground to forge a solid relationship. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. I've finally reached a stage in my life where I can accept that. Hope for the best, expect the worst. This time my expectations were for naught, however. I got the best.

Today, I asked Cris to marry me and she said yes.

Brothas and sistas, can I get a "Woot!"?

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Monday, February 21st, 2005
8:57 am
Hunter S. Thompson 1937-2005

R.I.P., you ridiculous bastard

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Friday, December 31st, 2004
9:24 pm
Happy New Year everyone!

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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004
4:37 pm
Never, never look at a gypsy's balls!

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8:17 am
Shamelessly stolen from iamboobookitty

Christmas carols from the psychiatric ward

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder
We Three Queens Disoriented Are

I Think I'm Home for Christmas

Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets
and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and
Trucks and trees and Fire Hydrants and everything with
boughs of holly

Santa Claus is Coming to Get me

Borderline Personality Disorder
Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder
You Better Watch Out, I'm gonna cry, I'm Gonna pout,
Maybe I'll tell, Maybe I won't.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

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Friday, November 26th, 2004
8:26 pm
Happy Birthday sappysheSheila!

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Wednesday, November 17th, 2004
7:58 pm
K-Mart and Sears to merge

That's right. Shop smart! Shop S-Mart! You got that?!?

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